You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
