Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
