I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
