I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
