is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
