So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
