I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
