cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
