My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
