I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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