somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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