Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
