we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
