I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
