I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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