We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
