We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
