Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
