so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
