So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
