I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
