Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When are your genitals available?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
