dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
