tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
