So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
