We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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