Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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