did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
