We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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