I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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