I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
