ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
where are my eyebrows?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
