this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
