I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i now understand why vodka
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
