i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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