Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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