I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
