haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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