I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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