i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
