oh god the rape fog is back!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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