I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
