I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
