I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
