today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
