watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
