I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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