I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Randomize
