so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
