I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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