my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
