my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
